On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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