Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How does one acquire holy water?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
