I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
