I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
