Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
