I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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