i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
