the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
