there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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