I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
