is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
