I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
