Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
