So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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