My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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