I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
