No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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