Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am naked and annoyed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
