dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
