The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
