Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
