Can i not drive my cunt home
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
