playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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