u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
