Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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