he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
