officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
