I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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