Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
