I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
