"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
