Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
