His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
