I must be too annoying 4 u.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
