there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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