Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
