How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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