Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
