i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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