Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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