Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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