and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
