wat bout pragnant strippers??
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
