I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
