my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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