I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
