apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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