Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
