You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
