I feel great
I just peed on a car
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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